this and every thought, and no thought at all flickering through my eyes

like the lights of cars driving by flickering through your bedroom window

this and fingertips tracing the curve of your collar bone

this and me wondering if I could be in love with you, as much as with this moment.

no peace of mind.

I lost about 18 hours

they are nowhere to be found

I looked for them in your eyes

and almost drowned

I tasted them on your lips

but lost them somewhere below your hips.

Where does 'I love fucking you' , stop

and where does 'I fucking love' you, start?

You confuse me.

Friend.

"BEAUTY

 CAN ALSO EXIST IN VIOLENCE

 TO FEEL BEAUTY IS A BETTER THING

 THAN TO UNDERSTAND 

 HOW WE CAME TO FEEL IT."

George Santayana 
(The sense of beauty 1896)

pic by Tine Ka 

being loved, wanted. 

being disliked, hated.

Both startles me.

Both confuses me. 

Detach me from all of that.

Detach me from my ego

from how I look and the way I walk

from what you see in me

from what you project onto me 

from the things you understand.

It bores me 

it scares me 

it cages me .

I dont find comfort in this zone

anymore. 

I wanna be the weirdest I can get

act the strangest I can act

violent

heartbreaking

and broken. 

Follow me. Free falling.

See me. Saint and slut.

Find me. Creating and destroying.

Save me. 

Join me.

Or leave me the fuck alone.

I want to breathe self 

not perception.

.I wanna be all that I am.

Fuck I am too old to pretend to be just one thing. 

and too young to pretend that I have figured myself out.

Don't you pretend

after one look through eyes

more tired than your mind

that you fucking have.